Geese Aplenty

Effluvia.

I’m not saying that Dooce’s new ad-heavy site looks like Times Square, but the last time I dropped by to read some posts? I was propositioned five times and picked up an excellent Rolex-style watch.

I recently bought some new carpet for my place and I’m feeling buyer’s remorse over the color and texture. On the other hand, this really doesn’t mean anything: I’m so cheap that I feel buyer’s remorse over everything that I buy over five dollars.

Unbelievable: I received yet another Christmas card from the same musically minded family whom I’ve never met in my life. My favorite line this year? “Their son Norman is studying baroque bassoon.” Admit it, guys--he’s only studying that so he can say “baroque bassoon” ten times fast and then collapse into giggles.

More of my questionable wit: “Look, it’s very simple. You drink red wine with anything you eat with ketchup, and white wine with anything you eat with mayonnaise.”

More of my father’s questionable wit: “That’s not true; I happen to love eighties music...........1780s.”

I saw a brand-new alert message on my company’s fax machine: “Drum error.” Does that mean someone’s about to play a Ringo Starr album?

Speaking of ‘80s music, I didn’t mention in my post about going to an ‘80s club that I forgot to lock my car that evening. It was broken into and many things were stolen, including a suit and tie. The up side? That was the worst tie ever. Good luck being taken seriously in the criminal underworld with that monkey outfit, assclappers.

Part of me feels satisfied and even proud that my country may actually entertain a race between two women, Condoleeza Rice and Hilary Clinton, in the next presidential election. And yet, another part of me thinks: “Worst. Catfight. Ever.”

Posted by Greg at 07:46 PM. Filed under:

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Next entry: Brokeback Cuaracao. Previous entry: It's training men (hallelujah).

I love your bits-n-pieces entries. I really do.

Posted by cygnoir on 12/28 at 11:13 PM

Is a car really broken in to if it’s unlocked?

Some assclap just walked by, tried the door, and viola! He had a new suit and tie.

Posted by on 12/29 at 08:41 AM

Ah, humor. Thanks for that. And that.

With the continued emergence of China on the world stage, I think the relationship of the next president with China will be of the utmost importance. The Clintons have a history with China, it’s true, but I think we all know how the Chinese feel about Rice.

Hello, Greg.

Posted by scott on 12/29 at 08:41 AM

that is so funny, cause i was actually PREPOSITIONED five times: Where are you AT? What are you dressed IN? Isn’t it time you came OUT? Do you like it from BEHIND? Would you also like a reachAROUND?

Posted by brando on 12/29 at 09:28 AM

I hope you know your red and white wine quote will be prominently featured on all of our winery’s 2006 marketing materials.

May you live on in marketing infamy.
Or something.

Posted by helenjane on 12/29 at 09:54 AM

I wonder how much Dooce makes from those ads. How much do you make from yours?

Posted by cloudy on 12/29 at 04:27 PM

cyg: out of hibernation? aimee: good point; I am also an assclap. scott: hi. brando: you were also CAPPED. hj: my bill’s in the mail. cloudy: Dooce’s husband retired from his job and she now supports him and their baby based on ad revenue; my day job remains intact.

Posted by Greg on 12/29 at 05:34 PM

Rice vs Clinton. It makes you long for the days of wooden teeth. I’m not really sure what that means.

Posted by Mignon on 12/29 at 08:55 PM

Does the musically minded family include a photo in their Christmas card?

I was a bit sad when I read that your car was broken into, then I read what you had to say about them being taken seriously in the criminal underworld in the worst tie ever. It’s impossible to be sad when reading the word assclappers.

Posted by Pants on 12/30 at 12:23 AM

What is the sound of one ass clapping?

Posted by scott on 12/30 at 09:40 AM

giggling at all the previous comments,

and at the fact that you have a site where one comment can be all about giggling at the previous comments.

aside from that, i wanted to say that i don’t get it. i dutifully said “baroque bassoon” ten times fast and nothing happened. i did it again and added an extra five times fast, just to be sure, but again, nothing. why is this funny? (and, in an aside note, is there any other kind of bassoon to study?)

happy new year gerg.

Posted by romy on 12/30 at 11:03 PM

I posit: Funny because not just because of the alliterative factor, but both words have an antiquated, esoteric quality. Even though the concepts of both “Baroque,” and “Basoon,” are intelligible, somehow together they seem over-the-top outlandish to the point of being ridiculous. They are like words you only see in print, but never actually hear or say.
They “feel funny” in our American mouths.

Posted by on 12/31 at 09:51 AM

Your father’s wit is hardly questionable.

Posted by Belinda on 12/31 at 10:48 PM

atmikha, exactly. I hadn’t even really articulated it to myself, but now I don’t even need to try.

Posted by Greg on 01/01 at 10:36 PM

That’s just really weird that you keep getting Christmas cards from these people.

Maybe you share a name with Norman’s kid’s baroque bassoon teacher? Who’s probably shaking her fist in anger that the family doesn’t even have the decency to inform her on his progress.

Posted by teahouseblossom on 01/03 at 12:28 AM