I had a great and relaxing Thanksgiving with my family. However, the work day that immediately preceded it was surprisingly stressful. It gave me an anxiety dream that night. In the dream, I went on a business trip and twice left my hotel building without any pants. Since I didn’t have any pants, I also didn’t have any keys, so I was effectively locked out of my hotel.
Fortunately, both times I happened to carry my cell phone. I was able to call a special company that assists people who lock themselves out of their hotel room without pants. A sort of Triple-A for the publicly naked.
The second time I had to call, I was extremely embarrassed. But I felt better after talking to the helpful operator. “We’ll send someone right over,” she said. “Don’t worry. This sort of thing happens all the time.”
Posted by Greg at 06:04 AM. Filed under:
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Um, you know… I hate to ask, but:
Where exactly did you keep your cell phone, if you didn’t have any pants?
And if you kept it where I’m thinking, please tell me you didn’t have it on ‘vibrate’. Eek.
If you wore underwear, being outside without your pants would be less stressful, and you’d have a place to put your keys.
i’m imagining a whooping siren atop a black van with pants painted on the side. the emergency pants people wear sunglasses and bad red wigs. They swoop down on you, bundle you into the back of the van, yank sweatpants on you and then toss you on to the side of the road. i love it.
hmm. i imagine a company like that would make most of its money from the ‘being in class naked’ scenarios. being without pants is small potatoes. oh, not that i’m implying anything about your, well, ok—never mind! happy saturday!
Your Dad’s right, Greg—underwear is generally a good idea. It’s what separates us from underpantsless monkeys.
What I find remarkable though, is even in an “anxiety dream” you have a solution to your problem. That’s just perverse.
i had the same “there’s a detail missing” question as charlie. now i’m stuck imagining you in the middle of a phone call, totally absorbed, leaving the hotel while talking and ending the call pantsless and outside. oh cruel fate.
That was pretty much it. The cell phone was in my hand all the time--not some other unseemly location.