I spent an unremarkable weekend cleaning my place and toiling over an urgent project for work, but at least I had the chance to take out and set up my new decanter:
I received this as a gift last month, and I was very glad to get it because it’s absolutely crucial for the kind of person that I want to become.
Which isn’t to say that I spend a lot of time drinking. That is, unless it’s past 10 a.m. But a decanter is important because it’s the perfect prop to have when you’re saying or doing something malevolent that furthers your personal agenda.
For example, you could simply say “Well, senator, I’m not sure what the press will make of those photographs I have of your daughter. It would be a shame if they were to suddenly see the light of day.”
Kind of boring. But say that same phrase while getting up from behind your desk, opening a decanter, and slowly pouring yourself a drink.
“...it would be a shame if they were to suddenly see the light of day.”
See? It changes everything. The ambience. The intonation. It’s all in the decanter.
This is an important clue that Harry Osborne may be an okay guy. In Spider-Man 3, there’s a scene where he rushes into a room and quickly starts chugging a decanter of whiskey. This is a troubled young man. He is not one to sidle up and slowly pour himself a drink; he inhales it. A true supervillain would not do such a thing. It suggests that he is, deep in his heart, a steadfast companion to young Peter Parker.
My only problem is that I don’t have a lot of sinister conversations at home. I’m thinking of taking the decanter to work. At my department meeting I can hand out copies of the project I did this weekend, then get up from my seat and slowly pour myself a drink: “Of course, this is only half of the output. If you’d like the rest of the analysis, I’m going to need a 30% raise. Or I simply can’t promise that my computer won’t suffer an unfortunate....accident.”
LOVE this post. I’ve never smoked cigarettes, but have always want to start smoking to better punctuate bitchy comments. It seems like it would add a lot to my conversations to be able to pause, take a drag on the cigarette, blow the smoke out and say, “Did you see the size of her ass in those pants?” I wouldn’t recommend this for a guy though.
probably doesn’t work quite as well with a wine decanter.
getting up to pour yourself a nice glass of cabernet after it’s been breathing for an hour doesn’t exude the same kind of power, does it?
top 2 TV series for decanter action:
Dallas / The Big Valley
these folks reach for the decanter every time anything happens...like someone asks a question.
I cannot remember the film, but I recall a comedy (Laurel and Hardy, maybe?) where a fine whiskey is being poured into the decanter by pouring a shot for each of them, then one for the decanter, then another for each of them and one for the decanter, etc until the whiskey bottle is empty and the actors are full, and foolish.
You’ve watching too many bad movies. Get back to work!
You also need a smoking jacket though - a velvet one, in maroon and paisley…
It’s times like this that I worry.
I worry for you because these ideas cross your mind.
I worry for myself, because I think, “That does sound like a good idea.
oh greg, you evil man, you’ve given me SUCH an idea for those tortuous department meetings !
ps that is a beautiful decanter.
Harry’s reversion occurred as he took his first sip. There was a lesson in that scene.
And here I thought the only moral to that movie was “Quit while you’re ahead, filmmakers.”
It’s too bad they aren’t filming “Murder She Wrote” anymore because with this decanter you would be an excellent suspect on that show. Of course it would then prove to be a red herring because the most obvious suspect is never the actual killer.
Yeah, they definitely tried to slam WAY too much into that movie, but I was pretty stoked when Peter went all Donnie Darko. Also, Bruce Campbell.
Would love to attach the graph to the quarterly report but the decanter ate it…
Plus it makes a LOVELY sound when thrown against a brick mantelpiece after someone discovers your portrait in the attic OR you’ve just exclaimed “Damn you for foiling my brilliant scheme you meddling bastard!” Which I need to say on a pretty much daily basis.
This filmic device is the counterpart to the old Roger Ebert observation that a loaf of French bread protruding from the top of a grocery bag equals -
1.) implied Parisian location
2.) Euro or art house flick
3.) chick flick like SCENTED CANDLES & BOREDOM starring Sandra Bulloch or Meg Ryan
but mostly the French location thing.
- Barney Dannelke
Snockered, PA.
We have two empty decanters that require filling immediately. What would you put in the other one? Scotch? Goldschlager?
George Jefferson had a decanter.
Definitely scotch.