In picking out paints for my place, I was excited to see that Home Depot could scan a color swatch and match it up to the types of paints they had on hand. My friend had helped me pick out coordinating colors, and they were nice, warm colors like “Burnished Cedar” or whatever. So I used the paint scanner to scan in those selections and see what kind of counterparts the store could give me. The results came back completely out of left field, something like
HOT PINK
What the hell was that? I figured the machine was hiccuping, so I tried re-scanning. It came back something like
CRUSHED SKULL GRAY
And again:
BLOOD AND GUTS BURGANDY
What’s the point of a machine that makes your life easier if its output has absolutely no connection to reality? The idea of the machine is fantastic, and it looks impressive--but ultimately, it doesn’t work. It’s the equivalent of giving someone a flashlight and calling it a stun gun.
This is just like the time when I entered my face into a Celebrity Lookalike Generator and found out that I resembled a child star, the guy who invented the lightbulb, Keyser Söze, and Queen Latifah.
These are things that sound good but are not actually functional--much like one-size-fits-all socks, E-Z wall hangers, and representative democracy.
Technology blows.
Um, actually, you do kind of look like the kid on the left there.
What happened to the decorator?
The decorator and my friend are the same person. But the swatches were created by different paint companies so the colors didn’t sync up and, y’know, it was a thing.
Ya know, i hadn’t ever considered the Queen Latifah, but now, i can totally see it. And oh, i just painted my new office NOON TIDE, which my Dad has explained as “a color you’re just going to have to learn to live with, and hey, it could have been worse, could have been hot pink, ya know?”
Damn. You DO look like Queen Latifah. Personally, I’d be scared to use such a contraption. If I found out I don’t actually resemble Miss Piggy I’d be heartbroken. For days.
Uh..Queen Latifah?
By the way, I’m up really early this morning. This is the God-honest truth, Greg..I just had a dream about you.
Tsk, THB, you’re engaged!
That celebrity thing said I look like Vincent D’Onofrio.
Upon first reading, I had to pause and wonder why you were picking out pants for your place and why you’d do it at Home Depot.
are you kidding me? you TOTALLY have edison’s smile! but you have the eyes of a child star. in fact, i think i’m going to use that as a pick-up line from now on… thanks!
Just so you know, the paint matchy things at Lowe’s that you’re allowed to use don’t work at all, but the ones that thy use to actually make the paint DO work. I’m painting my kitchen right now and all of the colors I am drawn to tend to be named something like, “Eccentric Lime” or “Nervy Hue” I’m not making that up. I expect that soon I will find “you’ve GOT to be kidding Green.”
On the celebrity thing, I’d say you firmly belong in the Set of All People Who Squint in Bright Light.
Technology that works - when you use the thingy which tells you what kind of wipers to buy to replace the old ones that no longer wipe so much as screeeeeeech their way across the windscreen.
You have to replace your windscreen wipers just for the joy of NOT having to actually take the old ones in for comparison shopping.
We don’t know whether representative democracy works, or not. It’s never been tried.
You look like the British boy, except for your American-ness.
I once watched an interview where a scot talked about Steve Martin as looking “quintessentially American.” “It’s because of all the light out here in California,” he burred, “Ye haf’ tae dew this constantly!”
(squinting into the Beverly Hills glare)
Atmikha