I realized the other day that you can buy a special edition DVD of Smokey and the Bandit, but there’s still no full-featured version of The Breakfast Club. This movie is beloved by millions and it’s on TV everytime you turn around--how can someone have not bothered to put together a special edition? Wouldn’t it be fun to listen to a commentary track that reunites the entire cast--Molly Ringwald, Judd Nelson, Ally Sheedy, Anthony Michael Hall, and Emilio Estevez? Wouldn’t they get along great after all these years?
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EMILIO: Hey, everyone, it’s great to be reunited with all my friends to do this commentary track for the Breakfast Club special edition DVD. We hope you enjoy it.
MOLLY: Hi everyone.
ALLY: Does anyone have any cocaine?
EMILIO: Ally, shhh. So, here we are with the opening credits. You know, as I reflect on making this movie, one of my most cherished memories is when--
JUDD: Oooh! Oooh! I have a trivia fact about the movie!
EMILIO: Judd, do you mind, I’m talking.
JUDD: Come on, let me say this one thing.
EMILIO: Okay, what?
JUDD: This is a little-known trivia fact. John Hughes, director of this movie, Sixteen Candles, and Pretty in Pink, is the only director in history to give Molly a speaking part.
(Collapses in laughter)
ANTHONY: Oh for--
MOLLY: You bastard.
EMILIO: Judd, come on. We all agreed we weren’t going to make a lot of obvious, stupid jokes about our careers. And that’s not even true.
MOLLY: Yeah. I was in Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone, and--
JUDD: Hahahaha! I’m sorry, but c’mon. That was pretty funny.
MOLLY: You’re an ass.
JUDD: Lighten up, princess.
ANTHONY: Uh...well, back to the movie--we’ve just seen that famous quote by David Bowie, and now we see the high school for the first time, thanks to that cool shattering glass effect--
JUDD: Shattered kind of like your dreams of stardom, eh, Tony boy?
EMILIO: Judd, shut up. I’m warning you.
JUDD: What are you going to do, tough guy? Sic The Mighty Ducks on me?
ANTHONY: I’m the only one in this room with a steady job right now. Or perhaps you’ve never seen The Dead Zone?
JUDD: Is that the name of your show or its time slot?
ANTHONY: Listen. When you get out of bed in the morning, do you go directly to DVD or does that happen sometime after lunch?
JUDD: Hey, I was in a sit-com with Brooke Shields.
ANTHONY: That was ten years ago.
JUDD: I kissed her.
ANTHONY: Chicks with post-partum depression will kiss anyone.
MOLLY: My god. Do...do we have two hours of this to go?
ANTHONY: ...
JUDD: ....
EMILIO ....
ALLY: Does anyone have any cocaine?
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On second thought, I can see why no one’s bothered.
Posted by Greg at 06:03 AM. Filed under:
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That was the funniest damn thing I’ve read in a long time! Perfection.
Spacehunter was a great movie. The IMDB synopsis only gives you the slightest sense of its genius:
“Three women makes an emergency landing on a planet plagued with a fatal disease, but are captured by dictator Overdog. Adventurer Wolff goes there to rescue them and meets Niki the Twister (Molly Ringwald), the only earthling left from a medical expedition. Combining their talents, they try to rescue the women.”
There was even a 3D version!
Now there is a film that should have its own special edition DVD. They could even re-edit some scenes - for instance, so you couldn’t see the studio carpark when the spaceship lands on the alien planet!
inspired genx nostalgia there greg. truly inspired.
FUG YOU!
That is exactly and precisely and seriously what you wrote in my senior yearbook, by the way.
What? I did not.
“You mess with the bull son, you get the horns."-RIP.
Adam stole my thunder. Spacehunter was a truly awesome movie. Particularly in 3D. Not that it makes much difference when you look at Molly Ringwald.
I love you. I just cracked up in the middle of an internet cafe, and everyone’s staring, but I do love you.
What’s the end of this joke?
Naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm, and a two-foot salami under the other. The bartender says, I guess you won’t be needing a drink. Naked lady says…
My favorite part is that I’m reading this on Ally Sheedy’s 44th birthday! Yes, they broke their fast a long, long time ago.
Who needs cast commentary when we have you?
I felt very dated when I asked for this on DVD at the local video store and the guy behind the computer with his “cool” plugged--and, I noticed, crusty--ears asked what movie that was. He had never heard of it. Never.
P.S. Ally Sheedy is a published author: She Was Nice to Mice. We actually own this book. It was a gift.
When I was young enough not to know, my older cousin while trying to impress me advised that he had been in a movie...The Breakfast Club. His recollection of this particular acting gig was as an extra in a crowd scene. Pretty sure he was into cocaine as well, maybe he was just hanging around the set.
Hey, have you ever heard of the book “Speak, Commentary”? It’s a book of fake DVD commentaries and it’s pretty funny.
you are such a neomaxizoomdweebie.
CP