My television has apparently decided to protest my Veronica Mars habit. It remains blank when I try to turn it on, which reminds me of my last date. The point is, there’s two things that I always hear when I call tech support:
- “Please listen carefully, as our menu of options has changed.”
- “Due to a high call volume, there may be a long waiting period.”
I mean...without fail. I have never called any kind of tech support line without hearing these phrases. Just once I’d like to hear two different things:
- “We know that you don’t make a habit of calling tech support lines, and you barely remember what you had for lunch yesterday, so it’s nearly impossible that you’ve actually memorized our menu of options. Therefore, it won’t mean jack squat that we’ve recently changed them, even though we’re pretty proud of ourselves for doing so. Therefore, just hang out and we’ll recite them for you. Cool?”
- “We’re always understaffed and overburdened, so there’s no point in telling that you’re going to be hanging on the line for thirty minutes. That pretty much goes without saying. But in the meantime, instead of upselling some dumbass Circuit City product or service, our soothing female voice will now tell you how good looking you are today and why you’re the absolute best caller we’ve had all day.”
‘Due to high volume, this may be a longer period than normal.’
God, I can so relate. But sometimes you just have to go with the flow.
Brava! I love the alternative automated answering options. you should set up a tech support line just so people can have the pleasure of hanging on.
Lola x
Why are call centers constantly changing their menu options, anyway? Why can’t they ever be satisified?
*elevator music*
*SUDDEN CLICK* “Your call is very important to us. Blah blah blah.”
*elevator music*
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t hold my breath everytime I heard that click. Even if it does happen once every 30 seconds.
And how about voice recognition software?
Machine: please state your telephone number beginning with the area code
Me: 707-555-1212
Machine: I didn’t understand that. Please state your telephone number beginning with the area code, or enter it on your touch tone pad.
Me: enter, carefully, 707-555-1212
Machine: You entered 707-559-5593. If this is correct, say yes
Me: NO
Machine: Please wait while I connect you with an attendant.
Attendant: in heavy South Indian, Karnatak flavored accent that I cannot understand, “Good Morning. This is Tom, how may I help you.” (Or at least that’s what I thought he said because when I answered that I needed to confirm that a part had been shipped, he disconnected the call.)
Me: Oh, f--k!!!!!
Is it true that VM is on another (!!!) break until May. Your tv is trying to save you from torture and abuse!
San Lorenzo is 5 miles from you?
I grew up in Livermore...(Live-NO-more to me)…
Oh, and that was YOU? That “best caller of the day” today? I thought so. I told all the girls to treat you special, even if we couldn’t fix the TV.
At least they talked dirty, no?
I am going to change my voicemail message immediately. I think people should be told how awesome they are at every opportunity and what better way to do it than via prerecording? Brilliant.
Yeah, VM is off until May, and then it won’t even close out with a full run of episodes. Which basically means the show is toast. Which is probably fine--it’s been getting weaker.
Oldie but goodie: 800-899-3999. Option 7 makes me giggle every single time. And it does what it says on the tin, too. (Hope it still works!)
In one of my sad telemarketing jobs I encountered a prerecorded home message that made my heart swell with pride for American ingenuity: “If you would like to leave a message for Dan, press one. If you would like to leave a message for Julie, press two. If you would like to sell us something, PRESS OFF!”
Hahahaha..I always wondered about that, too..why have all of the menu options always changed?
The funniest is when they try to be nice and tell you, “Your wait will be approximately ... FIVE .. minutes.” Like we feel better knowing how long it will be.
I’ve gotten that second one.
Even after I was off hold I ended up being on the phone for nearly an hour just to hear her voice and she never did solve my problem.
Maybe I’m the reason the call que is so long.
One of my favorite commercials is one for someone, I think possibly Maaco, and this guy is on hold while his car engine is steaming. The hold music is playing “Play that funky music, white boy” and the guy is dancing around on the side of the road. The operator comes on and he says “Hey, can you put me back on hold again?” Makes me laugh every time.
Why can’t banks and etc. realize that we’d probably hold a lot more patiently if a) they played decent music and b) stopped telling us every 30 seconds how important the call is? That is especially annoying during the one time you get a decent song.
Here’s what I hate:
“Your call will be answered in the order in which it was received.”
which should be:
“Your call will be answered in THE PLACE IN the order in which it was received.”
or maybe:
“All calls will be answered in the order in which they were received.”
But that sentence they use doesn’t make sense to me. I hate that. Oh, and racism. I hate racism too.