Able bodied.

This week my hosting service went down for over a day, and I was unable to access or write in my blog.  The break in routine caused me to ponder several important questions, such as:

  • Given that I spent a lot of time in front of a computer at work, is it healthy to keep a blog in my off hours?
  • Is writing a blog the best use of my time?
  • Does it really make sense to make dumb jokes about pop culture minutiae in front of complete strangers?

    Then I found out that the new Batwoman was a lesbian and I realized that the answer to these questions is a resounding “YES.”

    A bit of background: DC Comics is making a concerted effort to diversify their characters and appeal to a wider demographic.  Their strategy is to take some lesser-known (but already established) superheroes and then shake up their backgrounds.  For example, the new Atom will be Asian; the new Blue Beetle is hispanic--and Batwoman, a character who dates all the way back to the ‘50s, is being reintroduced as a gay woman.  (The New York Times ran an article on the subject.)

    Personally I think it’s nice that comics are making an effort to be more inclusive.  You might say it’s just politically correct bean counting, but listen--have you ever actually heard of the original Blue Beetle?  Of course not, because he’s just another white, straight superhero.  Boring.  Doing different kinds of characters will have the effect of not only broadening the audience, but also enabling different kinds of stories.

    Second, a gay Batwoman is a huge improvement over the ‘50s version.  Back then, Batwoman was a straight female with a crush on Bruce Wayne and she fought crime with--I am not making this up--a “utility purse” with items such as charm-bracelet handcuffs, sneezing powder, and an expanding hairnet.  Now that’s feminism!

    Third, it amounts to huge cost savings for me personally.  In the past, I’ve had to pay hundreds of dollars in order to experience the exploits of a hot chick wearing spandex and boots who likes women but beats up men.  The comic book is bound to only be a couple bucks, tops.

    The problem is that racial and sexual considerations aside, the new Batwoman still falls into the cliche as every other superheroine--she’s smokin’ hot.

    The new Batwoman is pretty lipstick-y.

    All characters in comic books, male or female, are perfectly sculpted athletes with, uh, often unrealistic proportions.  And it’s not just comics. Buffy the Vampire Slayer a feminist icon?  C’mon--she’s so thin that she probably needs to wear snowshoes in the shower in order to avoid slipping down the drain. 

    If comics and these other media fantasies really want to represent the real world, they need to stop forcing unrealistic body images upon their protagonists.  And doing so would open us up to many interesting new characters. Here’s a few ideas:

    Jellyroll Girl. By day she’s a normal townie who wears a too-short shirt that allows rolls of flab to collect around her belly.  But little do people know that those rolls of flab contain gamma powered energy ready to strike down evildoers and protect the innocent.

    Captain Crowsfeet.  Oh sure, he looks like a wrinkled onion because he never wore sunblock as a kid.  But when he smiles, those crowfeet suddenly release the power of the sun itself and wage war on crime.

    Not Especially Well Endowed Man (and his crime-fighting partner, Flat as an Ironboard Woman).  Okay, so the names aren’t as catchy as, say, Superman. But whereas fans of Supes have been known to jump off roofs in an attempt to imitate their hero, you probably wouldn’t have kids running around saying “I want to be just like Not Especially Well Endowed Man when I grow up.” And if they do?  Well, they’ll know that they can still be a force for justice--even if they’re not, y’know, necessarily a force anywhere else.

    I was at a friends tonight, and we were wondering what was up with your blog - for a brief moment, we feared you were offline for good.  She’ll be relieved to see you’re back up - one of the funniest blogs out there, we think!

    Posted by mark  on  06/01  at  08:46 PM

    In junior high, you were famous for your large collection of comic books.  I recall lots of talk of X-Men and not so much of lady heros.

    Posted by kathy  on  06/01  at  08:56 PM

    I wouldn’t mock the utility purse. Have you taken a look at what we women carry around? Just the heft of the makeup bag alone could help stop a criminal in his tracks. Plus, there’s the handcuffs and whips. Or, hmm, are those to be found only in my bag? Okaay, well, nevermind!

    Posted by Patricia  on  06/01  at  08:56 PM

    I think I shared an elevator with Jelly Roll Girl earlier.  Or at least there are hundreds of them all over the streets of New Jersey.

    Posted by teahouseblossom  on  06/01  at  09:02 PM

    I’m not knocking DC’s current and recent output overall, they taken some risks and put out some really great stuff to a wider audience than would be the case if the books were published independently. Still I can’t read one of these stories without hearing a subtext of “Screw you, long time comics fan and your precious childhood memories and encyclopedic knowledge of comics trivia”. Yes, I’m still bitter over Crisis on Infinite Earths. I’m not the only one, the Earth-II Alan had to get a job as an Image villain after that fiasco.And for the love of Gil Kane, tell that artist to stop taking anatomy lessons from Rob Liefeld.

    Posted by Alan  on  06/02  at  07:53 AM

    That’s stupid.  You know that these superheroes would be getting work done all the time simply because they are in all these magazines.  Jellyroll would be in getting lipo, Flat would have had implants by now.

    Posted by  on  06/02  at  08:59 AM

    Actually, come to think of it, what would Flat’s superpowers be?  Cuz, well, I’m not all that well-endowed and never really pictured myself as a superhero.

    Posted by  on  06/02  at  09:02 AM

    The power to change men into swine with her Circean Bum? 
    That could be why Batgirl is arching her back like that, or just a severe case of swayback. 
    Poor thing.

    Posted by  on  06/02  at  12:03 PM

    I’d like to introduce you to Kid I’ll Call You Sometime.  He’ll wine evil villian, he’ll dine evil villian, and just when evil villian thinks the date is going good, he’ll utter that ever so devastating phrase and thus the evil villian will be crushed completely and need years of therapy before pursuing world domination.

    Posted by Tony  on  06/02  at  02:03 PM

    Well, we know that NEWEM won’t be opting for “up, up, and away” as an oft repeated phrase.

    Posted by  on  06/03  at  06:22 PM

    What? Robin doesn’t make the Batverse gay enough already? I just want to see this new Batwoman tackle the evil CarpetMuncher.

    Posted by yellojkt  on  06/04  at  04:23 PM