Scene: A movie purchasing establishment.
Enter: Greg.
(Greg PEERS at DVDs, and smirketh.)
Greg:
Hah! It is to laugh. A director’s cut of Supergirl.
That is not likely to find favor with those of my kind.
Behold, it boasts 24 extra minutes of footage! Truly,
the movie would be better served by cutting out
an hour or two.
(PEERS at another one.)
And the same holds for Star Trek V. Four hours of
special features? That is torturous and mean. I would rather
be beset with scorpions. I would choose instead to gargle
snake’s venom.
(Then he GASPETH.)
But the same does not hold true for The Day the Earth
Stood Still. A special edition? With a 70 minute
documentary? Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude.
But wait. I am comparing silly extras on DVDs. Have I
gone too far? Have I passed through the boundary
between connoisseur and fanatic? How far do I have
left to fall before I become a lost soul?
(Lights dim, SPOTLIGHT shines on Greg. He prepares to
launch into agonized, self-searching Hamlet-esque
soliloquy--)
(But lights abruptly go up again as Greg is interrupted by
TWO INDIVIDUALS entering the scene. Male and female.
They are of sizable mass and girth. Their attire marks them
as employees of the movie purchasing establishment.
Both of them have the same nasaly vocal style as the
Comic Book Guy on the Simpsons.)
Man:
Yes, I only paid $20 for the whole set. How much did you pay?
Woman:
Well, $32, but that included shipping and handling.
Man:
Yup, I got the whole set...Airport ‘79, Airport ‘77, and
Airport ‘75…
Woman:
And the first two Airports, of course, with Dean Martin…
Man (outraged):
What? That is ridiculous. Dean Martin was only in
the first one, Airport, in 1970.
Woman (defensively):
That’s not what my friend said.
Man (snapping):
Your friend is wrong.
(They EXEUNT...the woman to the employee’s room, nearly slamming the door, and the man bristling as he returns to the cash register.)
(SPOTLIGHT returns to Greg, who stands in stunned silence.)
Greg (triumphantly):
Klaatu! Barada! Nikto!
(Greg EXITS.)
-FINIS-
Posted by Greg at 06:15 PM. Filed under:
(21) Comments • (0) Trackbacks • Permalink
Greg is dead save him. Please.
ovation
Oh Greg, The complex levels of behavior you display,
Connote a fairly well developed cognaitive array.
umm, cognitive even.
worst post ever.
“Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.”
This reminds me of that very rare Mary Worth comic in which she has advised a friend to commit suicide.
“don’t crack wise with me, tubby.”
“tubby? oh yes, tubby.”
there’s probably something profound i should say, like le roi est mort. vive le roi! but ... well, actually, i’m sort of speechless. also by the fact that you responded to bryan’s comment, made at 7:14 a.m., at 7:18 a.m. and that’s your time zone. duuuuuuuuuuuuuude indeed.
The EXEUNT and þe olde English make it all classy.
(And I’m such a geek, I used a thorn instead of a ‘y’ there.)
Hey, I own that Supergirl DVD.
So did you find anything to buy??
“Shop smart--shop S-mart!”
Ha, I knew I knew that quote! And, no, I did NOT google it.
Ooops… nevermind. I clicked on your link and it’s not from the movie I thought it was from.
(my movie was better!)
(Sam Raimi rocks)
Ooops… nevermind. I clicked on your link and it’s not from the movie I thought it was from.
(my movie was better!)
(Sam Raimi rocks)
The movie to which you refer, Army of Darkness, was paying homage to The Day the Earth Stood Still. Dayment, I went home and bought the movie at DeepDiscountDVD.com for half price.
gerg, upon rereading this, i’m uncertain about combination of levels of linguistic development in the first line. shouldn’t it be “PEERETH,” you know, to match “smirketh”?
btw richard? nice “ode to spot” reference. brought back fond memories.
Are you the creator of Hi & Lois? Because you are making me laugh.
Does the earth actually stand still in that movie?
Duuuuuuuude. The Day The Earth Stood Still DVD is an awesome print of a great movie. Happy viewing to you.
The earth doesn’t actually stand still in the movie.
It sits.