I realized the other day that you can buy a special edition DVD of Smokey and the Bandit, but there’s still no full-featured version of The Breakfast Club.  This movie is beloved by millions and it’s on TV everytime you turn around--how can someone have not bothered to put together a special edition?  Wouldn’t it be fun to listen to a commentary track that reunites the entire cast--Molly Ringwald, Judd Nelson, Ally Sheedy, Anthony Michael Hall, and Emilio Estevez?  Wouldn’t they get along great after all these years?

-------------

EMILIO: Hey, everyone, it’s great to be reunited with all my friends to do this commentary track for the Breakfast Club special edition DVD. We hope you enjoy it.

MOLLY: Hi everyone.

ALLY: Does anyone have any cocaine?

EMILIO: Ally, shhh.  So, here we are with the opening credits. You know, as I reflect on making this movie, one of my most cherished memories is when--

JUDD: Oooh!  Oooh!  I have a trivia fact about the movie!

EMILIO: Judd, do you mind, I’m talking.

JUDD: Come on, let me say this one thing.

EMILIO: Okay, what?

JUDD: This is a little-known trivia fact.  John Hughes, director of this movie, Sixteen Candles, and Pretty in Pink, is the only director in history to give Molly a speaking part.

(Collapses in laughter)

ANTHONY: Oh for--

MOLLY: You bastard.

EMILIO: Judd, come on. We all agreed we weren’t going to make a lot of obvious, stupid jokes about our careers.  And that’s not even true.

MOLLY: Yeah.  I was in Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone, and--

JUDD: Hahahaha!  I’m sorry, but c’mon. That was pretty funny.

MOLLY: You’re an ass.

JUDD: Lighten up, princess.

ANTHONY: Uh...well, back to the movie--we’ve just seen that famous quote by David Bowie, and now we see the high school for the first time, thanks to that cool shattering glass effect--

JUDD: Shattered kind of like your dreams of stardom, eh, Tony boy?

EMILIO: Judd, shut up.  I’m warning you.

JUDD: What are you going to do, tough guy? Sic The Mighty Ducks on me?

ANTHONY: I’m the only one in this room with a steady job right now.  Or perhaps you’ve never seen The Dead Zone?

JUDD: Is that the name of your show or its time slot?

ANTHONY: Listen.  When you get out of bed in the morning, do you go directly to DVD or does that happen sometime after lunch?

JUDD: Hey, I was in a sit-com with Brooke Shields.

ANTHONY: That was ten years ago.

JUDD: I kissed her.

ANTHONY: Chicks with post-partum depression will kiss anyone.

MOLLY: My god.  Do...do we have two hours of this to go?

ANTHONY: ...

JUDD: ....

EMILIO ....

ALLY: Does anyone have any cocaine?

---------------

On second thought, I can see why no one’s bothered.