I’m always stopped short when the little card reader at the supermarket asks if I want to pay with a “gift card.”

Who the hell gets someone a gift card for Safeway? “I just thought of you when I saw it hanging there next to the cash register. I mean, I know you often need to buy food, on account of needing to survive and all, so it seemed perfect.”

Or maybe people actually want them and drop hints? “I’ll tell you what I really like--groceries.  Seriously, I spend practically all my time thinking about groceries.  By the way, did you know it’s my birthday next week?”

It’s one thing to get a Target card for a college student or something, but it seems that every store offers a gift card.  I looked it up, and even Dollar Stores have gift cards.

Which I think is extremely convenient if you want to give a $50 Dollar Store card to someone and say “I really wanted to give you exactly fifty really tacky gifts, so finding this card was like manna from Heaven.”

I’m thinking of creating my own gift card--a Greg Card if you will--and handing it out to people I know.  Probably more people I don’t like, though. Because I can say, here, this card enables you to spend some time with me--but after it runs out, you have to go away or pay me to stick around.  Gift cards are thoughtful, and I’m a thoughtful person, so I think this idea is pretty sound.