My television has apparently decided to protest my Veronica Mars habit.  It remains blank when I try to turn it on, which reminds me of my last date.  The point is, there’s two things that I always hear when I call tech support:

- “Please listen carefully, as our menu of options has changed.”

- “Due to a high call volume, there may be a long waiting period.”

I mean...without fail. I have never called any kind of tech support line without hearing these phrases. Just once I’d like to hear two different things:

- “We know that you don’t make a habit of calling tech support lines, and you barely remember what you had for lunch yesterday, so it’s nearly impossible that you’ve actually memorized our menu of options. Therefore, it won’t mean jack squat that we’ve recently changed them, even though we’re pretty proud of ourselves for doing so.  Therefore, just hang out and we’ll recite them for you.  Cool?”

- “We’re always understaffed and overburdened, so there’s no point in telling that you’re going to be hanging on the line for thirty minutes.  That pretty much goes without saying.  But in the meantime, instead of upselling some dumbass Circuit City product or service, our soothing female voice will now tell you how good looking you are today and why you’re the absolute best caller we’ve had all day.”