Girls are better at breaking up than guys.  Many of them instinctively understand how to do it with a minimum of pain and angst.  I was once dumped by a girl with nearly supernatural abilities in this regard; she made me feel full of worth, confidence, and self-actualization.  I was halfway home, singing Disney songs, before reality hit me: “There’s a bluebird on my shoulder�hey, waaaaaaaiiiit a minute.”

In contrast, guys are generally pretty bad at it.  They might try to be smooth, but the situation gets the better of them and they panic: “I’ve been doing some thinking, and I feel that...well, look, I have prostate cancer.  And if you keep going out with me, you’re going to get prostate cancer too.  We need to stay far, far away from each other.  It’s okay to cry.”

I mention this because my friend Meredith told me that one of her ex-boyfriends is breaking up with people using the same line that she used on him.  This made me curious, so I said, “What line did you use?”

“I said, ‘I don’t have a list of exes.  I have a list of friends.  Let me know if you’d like to be on it.’”

I was impressed, of course, because that’s pretty smooth.  But Meredith didn’t know whether to be flattered or appalled that this guy has appropriated the line and is using it on others.

In my opinion?  She has nothing to worry about.  Like I said, guys end up panicking and they lose control of the situation.  Neil Armstrong flubbed his line when he walked on the moon�he was supposed to say “One small step for a man,” but he left out the article.

Similarly, this guy may think he’s got the perfect way to dump someone, but he’ll screw it up all the same: “I don’t have a list of friends.  I have a list of exes.  You’re on it.  I mean, you’re a friend who’s now an ex, and you’re on my list.  Christ!  Okay, look.  I have prostate cancer.”