May is a good time of the year for geeks; the world almost becomes the kind of place that we’d create for ourselves if we were given the opportunity to colonize our own planet.  Everyone seems to like talking about geek stuff, mostly because Hollywood releases all of its geeky-yet-still-mainstream blockbusters like X2, Matrix, and so forth.

But it’s not always easy, and the month of May doesn’t tell the whole story.  Just because an oppressed minority marches in a parade or pushes through some legislation or gets a mutant superhero sequel doesn’t mean that life’s a cakewalk.  We often encounter difficult and challenging situations.  For example, the other day I was having some beers with a few co-workers, happily scarfing down mugs of Guiness.  The conversation covered work, politics, movies--and then it turned to sports.

I had lost my power.  I was Superman next to a slab of Kryptonite.  I was Wolverine without his claws.  I was Governor Gray Davis--well, just about anywhere, actually.

But it’s possible to go into survival mode at times like this and attempt to translate what’s being said so you can keep up on the conversation.

They say:
I hate watching my team when I’m in the other team’s home town.

I translate:
It sucks when you’re dressed in a Babylon 5 outfit and you accidentally wander into a Star Trek convention.

They say:
They’ve just been hobbling along since they traded all their best players.

I translate:
They’ve watered down the franchise with substandard sequels and spinoffs.

They say:
Tim Duncan will easily be the sixth player in NBA history to make the All-NBA team in his first six seasons. He and O’Neal will be the first teammates named to the First Team in consecutive seasons since Utah’s Karl Malone and John Stockton in 1994 and 1995. 

I translate:
Uh...uh...hobbits good.  Sauron bad.  Jeez, I need another beer.