I’ve always thought that a lot more people are gay or bisexual than the statistics suggest; it’s just fear and an intolerant society that keeps them on the straight and narrow. So to speak. That said, I also believe that there’s people who are just plain straight.

But for a long time, I theorized that every straight woman had salacious thoughts about Angelina Jolie.  I can’t count the number of my female friends who have told me that this is true for them.  They are always vaguely embarrassed, saying that they’re not that way but whoa, she has a look that makes them say “husband, schmusband--she’s on my laminated list of exceptions.”

Typical scenario: “I like to think about me and Angelia going to the supermarket, getting produce together. And then making out.”

Or: “I just want to do my nails with Angelina.  And then our toes. And then get a full body massage. And then buff our breasts together.”

What is it about her? Is it the quiet strength that she radiates, which gives her a kind of masculine authority that appeals even to women? Is it the fact that she complements that strength with compassion in terms of her charity efforts?

Let me tell you something: a long time ago, I found myself with a baby that I didn’t want.  I don’t want to go into details. But I did something I’m not proud of--I put the baby in a dumpster. And then I ran away. And when I turned around?  Angelina was plucking the baby out of a pile of tin cans and putting it into a basket. She waved at me and said “Hey, when you’re ready, come look up me and Brad and we’ll give it back to you.”

The Brad thing almost blew it, of course.  Brangelina breaking up Braniston was a national crisis and it sullied Angelina’s image.  But people got over it and Jennifer stopped making movies anyone cared about and now it’s okay for straight women to fantasize about Angelia once more.

However, I think I’ve found the one exception to the rule--the one woman who just isn’t interested:

Congrats, Condi. You’re officially the only human being on the planet who would, in that particular situation, be facing that direction.

From that standpoint, it’s a pretty good metaphor for your entire political career.