1. I don’t have a glass eye, a wooden leg, or an iron lung.

2. James Bond did, in fact, live to die another day. I was so worried that he wouldn’t survive his latest adventure!

3. My job doesn’t entail phoning strangers to say something like: “Hello, I’m calling on behalf of the Church of Obscure, Semi-Latter-Day Saints. Would you care to make a donation, or would you like to go directly to Hell?”

4. When I see my family tomorrow, there’s only a 60% chance that they will mention that I used to pronounce “cannon” as “canyon,” or that I had Nancy Drew books along with The Hardy Boys.

5. The cops didn’t bust in and arrest me when I tore that “Do Not Remove This Tag” tag off my mattress.

6. I will likely watch the upcoming “Daredevil” movie instead of going to the office.

7. Drinking coffee has nothing to do with hair loss, because otherwise I’d have to make a difficult choice. As it stands, there’s no scientific way to give up genes cold turkey.

8. It’s apparently true that when they left the White House, Clinton’s people removed the “W” keys from every keyboard in every office.

9. Pauly Shore’s ten minutes of fame are not only up, but he hasn’t even managed a fizzly comeback along the lines of Gary Coleman.

10. I have sources of strength, both internally and in regards to my friends and family, and I think I’ve become better about not squandering them.

Happy Thanksgiving.